I left my bed

Funnily enough, I wasn't able to write this post whilst I was actually feeling like poop. I was waking up with the classic chest crushing that comes with being depressed. A depressed almost 25 year old who is flunking uni because of it and doesn't know what she's doing. Classic. Although in this day and age, we don't need to have to have it all together until we're like 35 now right? 25 is the new 17 and I am mostly okay with it. During this week, I sought out my classic "low comforts" with some surprising new additions. I figured there was a post in it and maybe it will help someone else. Smoking Controversial riiiiiight? For the most part, I am a non smoker but when the black dog is in town it actually really helps. Don't go and do it if you don't, for the love of lungs! But if you do, make yourself a cup of tea, a custard cream and appreciate the nicotine. Shower Obvious maybe but obviously lush. Routine is a good thing to try and...

It's been 2 weeks, into the new year full of hope and promise and i've gone and done the opposite what my very blog suggests I do, I've barely left my bed. I felt guilty for a while, for atleast a week. Being in the new year full of new promise and all that crap, I felt bad for not taking up 272 hobbies, waking up to sunrises and siezing the day. Now i'm over it. If this is what I need then so be it. I wanted my blog to be real. It was always a lifestyle blog but the more I wrote, the more I wanted it to be an accurate representation which includes the struggles, the lows as well as the highs. Honestly, I am finding January to be down right miserable this year. I am soooo over the cold weather and the dark nights. I am missing my family and my old friends. I am finding that I don't have many new ones in London anymore and I'm tired of being constantly aroused by anxiety everytime I leave my front door. That shit is tiring. Sleep is either too exsistent or...

I was at my highest weight to my knowledge at 10.4lbs, which is a bit of junk in trunk carrying for a 5footer. I'd settled into a routine of drinking lots of red wine after about 2 years of not and eating more Camembert than you can shake a stick at. My partner then moved to London to go to university and that's when I started to eat less. It wasn't a concious thing. All I had knew was that the man I loved had moved over 100 miles away and we were destined to be doomed. Neither of us could work out how to make it work. I decided we shouldn't try and then changed my mind. James, my partner, then decided it was best that we didn't try and changed his mind. As you can imagine, all of this took a toll on my appetite, not to mention the now 40 cigarettes I was smoking a day to help with heartache and hopeless depression about not having a job, or a goal, life or now the man I love. Awesome. I moved to London in an effort to completely revamp my life. I was aware it...

I think it's pretty self explanatory where the name came from for my blog but incase there are any of you wondering out there, it's this week that it's been hammered home for me the most, possibly since i started my blog. The whole reason i started my blog was to pin point when i left the house and did something new, fun and exciting. To show me when i've actually lived life instead of slept or netflixed through it. This week i struggled a lot. Not to go too much into detail cos you know #personal but feeling like leaving the house or my bed was one of the biggest efforts i could make this week. It's not because i'm lazy. I love being busy, being proactive and learning but sometimes the black dog just wants to have a lie down and more often than not, he wins. It's not entirely down to that, i have been poorly in the truest sense of the word. Your classic summer to autumn transitional lurgy has been forever (10 days) coursing through my veins and out ...

I am unsure what to do with my blog currently as I am being pulled towards more "real things" to talk about. I don't know what you guys prefer? But I'm being dragged by my emotions more and more away from my adventures and more towards things like psychology, body image, life and the pursuits of happiness. Nothing too heavy then. Whilst I was quite desperate to become a lifestyle blog first and foremost, as that's what I knew best, it started to leave me feeling empty. The joy I once had writing about the things I had done and seen soon started to fade when they became part of my everyday life. I realise now what I was really celebrating was my achievements of overcoming my anxiety, breaking out of comfort zones and emotional boundaries and throwing myself in the deep end. It wasn't really about what I was doing but more about the fact I was, and why and how I was feeling whilst doing it. I spend a lot of time now wanting to help people or make them smile and ...