I didn't leave my bed...Mental Health Awareness week.

I think it's pretty self explanatory where the name came from for my blog but incase there are any of you wondering out there, it's this week that it's been hammered home for me the most, possibly since i started my blog.

The whole reason i started my blog was to pin point when i left the house and did something new, fun and exciting. To show me when i've actually lived life instead of slept or netflixed through it.

This week i struggled a lot.
Not to go too much into detail cos you know #personal but feeling like leaving the house or my bed was one of the biggest efforts i could make this week.
It's not because i'm lazy. I love being busy, being proactive and learning but sometimes the black dog just wants to have a lie down and more often than not, he wins.

It's not entirely down to that, i have been poorly in the truest sense of the word. Your classic summer to autumn transitional lurgy has been forever (10 days) coursing through my veins and out of my nose which has definitely not helped.

Ironically, this was mental health awareness week, to which i shared my poorly written thoughts pigeon holed to depressed:

"To mental health sufferers and people who haven't.

Tomorrow is the end of mental health awareness week and i haven't said anything.
It's mostly intentional. It's not that i don't want to put a stop to the taboo at all, quite the opposite. It's just something very personal to me and something I struggle talking about unless i'm feeling liberated.
This week hasn't been one of those weeks ironically enough.

What i will say though is if you haven't experienced depression before, I am so very genuinely glad for you.
If you are someone who thinks people are just sad, i will put it into perspective a little if i can.

Remember one time you were truly heart broken. Whether it be a pet dying, a relationship coming to an end, a family member passing away or being sick, remember that feeling.
Remember trying to wash yourself, clothe yourself, find interest in anything you used to. Remember trying to distract yourself any which way you can.
Now, think about waking up, every single morning, your life is in order and nothing is "wrong" but that feeling is in your chest from the moment you open your eyes.
You can't fix it, you can't change it because your life is fine!
You have parents who love you, a partner who supports you, your family are in good health, but you feel like your rib cage is collapsing into your heart.

If this was any "normal situation" where this feeling would occur, you would grieve, knowing eventually the pain may always be there but it would lessen with time. Maybe you and your partner make amends and you have no reason to be heartbroken anymore. Maybe your family member became better again and therefore you weren't beside yourself with worry and upset.
But no.
Depression means that feeling will stay, whatever happens.
It's not dependant on your life and i don't believe it's always dependant on your outlook.

So spend a moment to raise awareness or reach out to someone who feels hopelessly heartbroken everyday, waiting for the morning they might feel whole. They do come around from time to time, and sometimes stay longer than you expect. "


For some reason, this week has been different. Positive outlooks have been void and encouraging myself has made no difference which has been scary but if one thing good has come out of it, it's learning to appreciate what this blog was made for again.
I feel like i am now doing a Christina Aquilera and going back to basics, which in many ways is nice. Using my blog to remind me about when i do leave my bed and what magical things can happen.
For anyone who relates to any of this, or even anyone who doesn't, I would always love to hear about when you left your bed and experienced something beautiful.
An autumnal leaf, your mum laugh, a kid play fighting, a man chase after another man because they dropped a piece of paper...
The world is full of it, it's just we have to look a little harder.

Soph