I left my bed

It's been 2 weeks, into the new year full of hope and promise and i've gone and done the opposite what my very blog suggests I do, I've barely left my bed. I felt guilty for a while, for atleast a week. Being in the new year full of new promise and all that crap, I felt bad for not taking up 272 hobbies, waking up to sunrises and siezing the day. Now i'm over it. If this is what I need then so be it. I wanted my blog to be real. It was always a lifestyle blog but the more I wrote, the more I wanted it to be an accurate representation which includes the struggles, the lows as well as the highs. Honestly, I am finding January to be down right miserable this year. I am soooo over the cold weather and the dark nights. I am missing my family and my old friends. I am finding that I don't have many new ones in London anymore and I'm tired of being constantly aroused by anxiety everytime I leave my front door. That shit is tiring. Sleep is either too exsistent or...

I'm going to be honest about why i started this blog. I've medium touched on it but you know, just little snippets.  I don't like laying too much out on the internet, a) It's not smart and b) Where's the mystery, guys?! but this isn't that much of a secret. I suffer from depression and anxiety disorder. These 2 disorders have plagued my entire life and not without other disorders coming and going throughout growing up.  The point is, i first started this blog as an outlet but also with a shell. "Sophie is loving life and here's what you can do with yours etc." But, that's bullshit. Am i happy in all the things i have done and written about? Absolutely. Did it take me fucking 5 hours to make it out of bed to maybe do it? Quite possibly.  I switch between writing about things I have seen, done and love, to writing about things i have discovered about myself, life and my brain.  I've wondered how to merge these two ...

Ive had a few "breakdowns", mini life crises, beginner life crises or whatever you want to call them in my short (ish) time on earth. And unfortunately for me, today was no different. When I moved here, my heart was here, I was sure London had everything I wanted and needed and I was going to find what was right for me here. But during a midnight meltdown, I had to ask myself some questions. Why am I in London? What am I doing here? What do I want from this city and this experience? Is this the right thing to be doing? If you know me, you know i'm a full beach buddy. I love the sea, I love attempting to body board and I generally feel more peace knowing the coast isn't too far from me. Before I moved to London, I wanted to move to the beach, settle down and start a life with James. I knew Cornwall was somewhere I could see myself staying for a long time and James and I had spoken about it all. Things had changed when he moved to London and he wants to stay her...