How I lost almost 2 stone. My special diets and main secret.

I was at my highest weight to my knowledge at 10.4lbs, which is a bit of junk in trunk carrying for a 5footer.
I'd settled into a routine of drinking lots of red wine after about 2 years of not and eating more Camembert than you can shake a stick at.

My partner then moved to London to go to university and that's when I started to eat less. It wasn't a concious thing. All I had knew was that the man I loved had moved over 100 miles away and we were destined to be doomed. Neither of us could work out how to make it work. I decided we shouldn't try and then changed my mind. James, my partner, then decided it was best that we didn't try and changed his mind. As you can imagine, all of this took a toll on my appetite, not to mention the now 40 cigarettes I was smoking a day to help with heartache and hopeless depression about not having a job, or a goal, life or now the man I love. Awesome.

I moved to London in an effort to completely revamp my life. I was aware it was the place James was living and even though I wasn't sure if we would try if I lived there, I still wanted to be there. After all, it's the capital and I could distract myself with 9347287 things.

This was a whirlwind of emotion, yet again something that effects your appetite. Moving to a giant city when you have only ever lived with your parents and in the countryside is nothing short of terrifying. I moved with 0 money in the bank. My mum was paying for my trains up there whilst I was interviewing for jobs and my dad was paying for hostels/oyster card/occasional wine. Though I do admit I mostly picked wine over eating which meant that whilst I was still getting enough calories and zero nutrition, the combo of stomach shrinking and sheer anxiety over everything was enough to keep me relatively full on not much more than half of sandwiches and buckets of tea.

James and I at this point were seeing each other again, though things were very much up in the air, not official and really quite challenging. This saw me breeze through a 10lb loss.

Diets used - Heartbreak diet, what the shit am I doing in London diet and wine>food diet.
I was smoking quite a lot at this point but all that did was make me hungry. Whatever Kate Moss.

I moved into my new place in London which saw me live off a meal a day, usually the same thing. Pasta with feta cheese. And alcohol. I stayed around the same weight of 9 stone 3lbs until another London-esque breakdown. Over 100 employees had been let go from work and I had only just gotten my place. Even over Christmas I managed an even keel of food, mental health, life (kinda) until things got too much and in February, James and I split up and I went back home for a week.

I spent a week living off pretty much half a sandwich, tea and beer. My mum would buy me anything I wanted and I just wasn't interested. At this point though, I had cut down on smoking in a big way, only smoking when I was really upset. After that week, James and I realised we had to stop fucking dicking around and breaking up every 4 seconds and thus an adult relationship was born and we faced everything head on.

Facing real life at 8 stone 12lbs
Diets used: Heartbreak diet, Depression diet, Eat lots of nice things whilst I feel ok diet.

I moved in with him, he cooked for me every night, delicious meals full of fat, pudding, whatever I wanted.
It might look like I ate not much before this, but in between certain breakdowns or the time I was actually home (My house mates would say about 5 times in 2 months), James was still cooking for me when I stayed.
I never went hungry there. Ever.

Summer was a constant flurry of visiting London to see James, not having a job and going gallivanting around the UK. I started swimming for a month for my mental health. I went to Cornwall, which saw me lose another 3 lbs because my good friends Rosie and Harry were doing slimming world at the time, going to Paris which saw me gain 3lbs from so much cheese and cured meats I may as well have been a deli, to Scotland, where i ate 3 square meals a day and the evenings were always a feast.
Probably smoked on average 30 cigarettes all summer. Which includes when Paris man grabbed my wrist.

Ending the summer on 8 stone 11 lbs
Diets used: Ate whatever the shit I wanted

September I officially moved in with James and started uni. I was noticeably poorly at this point and whilst it didn't affect my appetite, it did affect how much energy I had, which was shit all.
I'd been tired through summer but not really noticing massively until I saw all my friends that can only be explained as a contrast of them being unicorns leaping through rainbows and fluffy clouds, to me being grumpy cat, sat still and saying no to everything.
But, I also didn't gain 372392 pounds, living with my other half who cooks by passion and being all loved up and happy (for the second time).

I ate the same to my knowledge, but I didn't exercise at all.
I do walk a lot more in London naturally just because you have to, but I didn't leave the house much and in fact towards last month, I barely bothered. I couldn't even make it into uni and I slept a lot.
I would go through a stage of eating "healthy" every so often just to make myself feel better, back to not. Because you know, white chocolate twix's.
During that month and half (maybe longer) I barely drank wine either. I was too ill to drink and if I did have a drink I would probably leave half and say " I don't even want this." My new favourite saying that James had become accustomed too.

I started drinking more water but probably not enough to make a difference. Then I had my tooth out.
Ugh.
I couldn't eat properly for a week and it left me feeling rubbish and not hungry. James would make soups and I would drink smoothies too. By the time my mouth was healed, my stomach had shrunk again making it just so that I had to have way smaller portions and I was fine with that.

Weight was now around 8 stone 9.
Diets used: Why can't I drink wine diet and Food got stuck in tooth hole diet.


I got better! Hurrah!
I got most of my energy back which saw me drinking more wine than I could cope with (again) and out and about to see my friends/ go to uni/ do real life things I needed to do.
I eat Camembert and something chocolate based almost everyday. Not to mention James's creamy bacon pastas or roasted potatoes.

Weight to date is around 8 stone 6.
Diet - Eating everything ever


In case you didn't notice the theme running though this, I'll point it out.
My special secret? I stopped giving a shit.

I didn't once worry about my weight, though occasionally I would go on the scales to see what's gwan (Old habits die hard) but when I did, the number never affected my mood.
I didn't think about putting on weight on holiday, I thought about how much fun I was having, what I was seeing and experiencing, what I would get to write about.
I only worried what I was putting into my mouth to help improve my health and for nothing more.

I didn't care about my weight when I was poorly, all I wanted was my health back.

Alot of us spend our entire lives wasting time trying to lose weight, attain "the perfect body". We think, if I lose 10 lbs I will be happy, and by the time that comes, you want to lose another 10 lbs to be happy. Or you're then not toned enough, not fit enough, your butt doesn't look like a heart and you cant see a gap between your thighs... Stop.

Just stop and think about how many pieces of cake you missed out on at your friends birthdays, how for every gap you create on your body, a new one comes into trend. How you will never look like how society dictates you should look because it is a man made created image.
Like *some* models will tell you, even they don't look like them.
How all your need is your health and happiness within yourself.

So that is how I lost 2 stone.
I ate cheese, I drank wine, sometimes I would eat soup and salads, some mornings I would do squats and others I would sleep in until 2.
I lived my life, and I hope you do too.

Trust yourself and trust your body, it knows what to do.


When I was living my life...

When I was still living my life...